7.25.11
On the physical level there are a couple of main 'ills' I'd like to see purified by my new diet and lifestyle. I've heard that the body cannot heal selectively. Meaning, when the body heals, everything in the body heals. The thought of that makes me happy. I'd like my allergies to go away, and I'd like my (seasonal, environmental) asthma to go away. I understand that ALL ills are a result first and foremost of emotional imbalance so I hope to be able to go within without distractions (of food in my case) and allow myself to release any emotions that do not serve my highest health. I want to not only release them, but learn from them as well.
I can imagine myself in perfect health with unlimited vitality. My life in this image feels great. I have strong, clear lungs and an active body that allows me to walk, run, climb, skate, and swim for miles. Until I get there in the physical I will practice being there in my mind.
Today is the 3rd day of my new diet. Although I still experience allergies and trouble breathing, I have faith that my body is regenerating and it won't be much longer until I begin to feel even more healthy than I do now. I feel more energetic and clear headed so I am hoping to use the new energy and clarity for self- healing.
I don't want to distract myself anymore by taking medicine that only treat and quiet my symptoms. I realize that puffing on my inhaler is a distraction from me going within to release emotionally the root cause of my breathing troubles. I've been spending two days trying to release without knowing how. Today, right now, I am relying on my sincerity to want to release it, determination not to ignore it, and gentleness to accept it, so whatever it is I can release it and open my heart completely and without fear.
7.25.11 (not too much later)
Letting go of the Fat Girl Mentality.
Ah clarity alas! I've realized that my asthma began at a young age and was born out of insecurity. I don't really remember too much what my dad was like growing up. I do remember when I was very young he was caring, and gentle. He would play outside with me and play cards with me. Then around the time that my mom began to use drugs, and I began to lie for her, defending her, he disappeared. I rarely saw or talked to him, I was doing bad in school because I was a rebel that never wanted to "conform" to rules. My nana, someone who helped raise me, was sick and eventually passed away, and I was trying to discover myself.
I packed on lots and lots of pounds in the world of insecurity and fear of the unknown around me. More pounds = more insecurity. Not only that but I realized that I was protecting myself from becoming exploited as a sex object. I didn't consciously know back then that to be respected by others, one must first respect themselves. I remained over weight and quite often the best friend of the "big man on campus" type guy who all my friends usually dated. I guess I figured subconsciously that if I wasn't attractive "sexually" I wouldn't be treated like a woman (and be mistreated!)
I also felt physically protected by the extra weight. I felt bigger and stronger than most of the guys that surrounded me back then, so I felt confident that I could knock a guy down if I ever needed to. Turns out that through-out the years, my love and respect of self has been growing from within myself (subconsciously and has been more powerful than the fear of being mistreated as a woman) and I've been surrounded by males that respect me. Even then, I kept extra weight on as a protection from being exploited as a sex object and not honored as a woman.
Since I've changed my diet and mind, I've reached a new level of clarity, self love, and respect enough to finally willingly let go of the fat girl mentality that protected me for so long. I know that I no longer need to be protected because it is my self love, respect, and integrity within, that have always attracted my outer experiences, and will continue to be what attracts my outer experiences.
7.26.11
Last night I hit a breaking point with my asthma. Maybe it was the emotional release I needed with my new level of understanding, or at least part of the process. I'm just tired of not being able to breathe, I've been doing everything I can to heal myself and be as patient as possible with my body. I'm just tired, and my body wants to be well. Before I moved to Portland, I hadn't taken any breathing medication in months and months. Yeah I'm residing with a cat (a long time allergy and asthma trigger,) but I've been working diligently to boost my immune system. On the 4th day of my new living foods diet, I did a 24 hour water fast. I know I have food and prescription drugs toxins to clear in my body.
Today is the 6th day of my new diet. I feel pretty low today emotionally on a surface level, but under the surface emotions lives optimism, hope, and love.
7.29.11
7th day on a new track in life. Whole foods, and a wholesome lifestyle. I feel A LOT better than yesterday. I feel I have emotionally released a lot of old emotions (by crying about them.) It might seem old to cry about something that deeply upset you months or years ago, but I'd rather cry about it, learn from it, and let it go than just push it into the deepest darkest parts of my being where it can still harm me physically and emotionally.
Not only do I feel better because of my emotional let go, but I remembered that one who is detoxing anything commonly runs into hardship the 3rd and 4th day and or 6th or 7th day. That could be why I was feeling so crappy yesterday, but I made it through, and it turns out that I was able to use my asthma medication A LOT less and my body was more responsive to alternative approaches such as accu-pressure points.
7.30.11
I am so happy and grateful that last night I didn't have to use my inhaler in the middle of the night or this morning when I woke up for the first time since I've been here in Portland. I don't feel itchy or wheezy at all, I feel completely healthy! I've also realized that I can observe more clearly and quickly than ever if I am operating out of ego. Even though I attain and intend to be ego-less %100 of the time, I am still human and it is part of my discipline at this time to be aware of my states of being and use my freedom to change it if it isn't in alignment with my true essence. I am grateful for the freedom to choose what state of being that I want to be in at any and every moment.
One of the issues that I ran into when I first began to awaken years ago was what society calls "bi-polar" Hot one minute, cold the next. Sad one minute, happy the next. I've been aware of my personal power to observe and change our own moods for some time, but years ago I would notice myself upset and NOT use my power to change my state of being too quickly out of fear of being bi-polar. Today in my new awareness, and gratitude for the freedom to be in any mood, have any reaction, and behave any way that I want, I will label myself empowered, and cash in my birth right to experience peace.
7.31.11
It is my 9th or 10th day (I lost track) of my new wholesome diet and life, and I haven't had to use my inhaler at all. My body has been responding very well to alternative approaches, and my over all feeling of health and attitude is very good. I look forward to attracting a juicer, and more delicious raw foods to try new recipes, and expand my living raw food horizons. <3
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