Overcoming Temptations and Visiting the Farmers Market

8.11.11
I've had dreams of eating chocolate chip cookies, pancakes, and chocolate ice cream. All dreams were independent from each other. I could actually see, smell, and, taste all of the desserts in my subconscious state. Even in my dreams though I knew that deep down inside, I didn't want to be eating those things, and even though I was sleeping, I felt myself thinking "why am I doing this to myself." My dreams have given me motivation in my waking life, but I still experience sugar cravings, for candy and baked goods. Especially chocolate anythings...

8.13.11
Downtown Portland
I busk for a moment. I go to a park full of families. Little beings running around like crazy through huge blasts of water that fountain out through concrete in the middle of the park. I pick a spot to sit, open my guitar case, and pull out my lovely beater. I warm up by strumming different rhythm patterns. Eventually I remember that I am there to share a vibe, a mood, and a message, so I begin to play and sing my song "Maybe."

Parents bring their toddlers over to me to dance. I sing to them and enchant myself in their inspiration. As I intend to inspire them, I am inspired by their innocence, and by Source. The children are the ones who drop money into my case.

Next stop through my day.

Aia treats me to my FIRST raw food meal at a yoga/massage parlor/cafe on 9th and Davis. I have the "Feisty Tostada." It is the most delicious meal. It is sooooo good. The taste of everything is phenomenal and I even buy some raw pizza crackers by the company "Living Spoonfuls"  to take with me. I am so happy about how satisfying and fulfilling it is.

7.13.11
Today I went with the group of people that I am Couch Surfing with to the Beaverton Farmers Market. I felt like a kid in a candy store. It was hard not to buy food from the very first place that I saw. Aia encouraged me to look around first, which was very exciting. There were lots of booths with cooked pieces of heaven. Crepes, fallafle, breakfast sandwhices, tacos, burritos, and omletes, so many beautiful smells mixed in the air.

I went to the farmers market HUNGRY so I bought a raw corn on the cob, and ate it as we walked through the booths of raw and cooked options.

We soon spotted a both with Vietnamese spring rolls with peanut sauce, one of my old favorites. Aia got an order... and I had a bite of hers... I was still hungry after the corn and the taste of her spring rolls, so I bought a pint of strawberries to finish off my hunger.

My house mates of this particular stop are young travelers. They're all fun and nice and generally good peeps. They have been baking cookies, and other sweet treats that are hard to resist. I sweeten my palate instead with herbal tea and honey or fruit. I've been craving chocolate lately which make the chocolate chip cookies available to me stand out more, but I'm happy to wait for yummy raw desserts, and munch on natures candy (fruit) until then.

8.14.11
I've had lots of cravings lately. I'm still about 80% raw. I ran out of fruit for breakfast for two days because I only got veggies at the farmers market. I could appreciate what a wonderful breakfast fruit makes even more when I didn't have any. I mostly began eating salads for the first meal of my day for those two days, since I didn't know what else to do to stay raw. My couch surfing experience was excellent the last couple of days however I do feel that I have recently eaten too many wheat crackers, and have experienced lots to temptation.

I honestly don't know why I "trip" when I taste cooked foods. Maybe it is because somehow I feel heavier, more bogged down, but I still find myself trying cooked foods for their taste and even culture. Ethnic foods have always been my favorite and what I have been sampling lately. My CS house mates made an Indonesian dish that I sampled, and it was really tasty. When I say sample I literally mean one bite, so why do I trip out?

I have to refocus my entire view of doing what my body wants. If I want to sample I should follow my desire while following my body's wisdom. I obviously would have been munching on yummy cookies if I didn't care about my body's true guidance.

Like I've said, I still eat a very high percentage raw, and always follow my true hearts desire. I should be more proud of myself, continue to be gentle with myself, and continue to encourage myself. Over all I really am enjoying myself on this journey into the raw, and the raw foods I eat are authentically delicious.

Bypassing Social Distractions & Experimenting with Food.

8.4.11
I've been inclined to do another 24 hour water fast. I'm just listening to the guidance of my body. Most fasts in history were always conducted intuitively by simply listening to the body's needs. I am enjoying eating mostly raw. I feel my health is still increasing and I'm happy to let go of more toxins during this water fast. I've had cravings for brownies, cookies, cake, and ice cream. All of the sugary addictions I would rather not put my body through anymore. As an alternative, I've been wanting some yummy raw desserts. Cacao is supposed to be really good for us as it is high in many minerals when it is not processed like normal chocolate bars are. It is just a matter of attracting it. I watched "The Secret" again yesterday to get back in touch with my deliberate creation foundation.

8.5.11
Man... I ate beans. Just a little bit, but I'm trying not to kick my ass about it. Especially because I just did a 24 hour water fast yesterday. The water fast felt really good, and is getting easier each time I do it. I'm thinking that I will incorporate regular 24 hour water fasts into my life for awhile. Some people water fast once a week but, once every two weeks or so feels good to me. But today the fast probably went down the drain. Who knows? I really am craving cooked foods, but I am stronger than my cravings and my desire to live healthy and whole is A LOT stronger.

I think I need more iron in my diet. I haven't had any Spirulina since I started even though that was part of my plan. I know Cacao has lots of iron, not to mention it's yummy but I have to work on my attracting power to get some funds for all this yummy food. Not only that but I feel that I am reaching a hurdle that I must overcome. I KNOW I could do this raw food transition alone if I had to but I'd like some help. Maybe a raw food coach? I am also ready to try some yummy raw food main dishes. I've seen recipes for everything from burgers, to crackers, to desserts. Yeah... You need food processors, dehydrators, a juicer would come in handy for a raw foodie, and lots of nuts and seeds. I've mostly been eating whole fruits and veggies (salads) and raw sunflower seeds because they're cheap.

But I'm not going to let money or lack stand in my way. Where there is a will there is a way and even though I ate beans today, I'm going to keep encouraging myself to eat raw for vitality. I still ate tons of raw food today and I feel that my intake was about 80% raw because of the roasted nuts and seeds I've had. I'm still doing well, and I know that I can attract what I need and increase my motivation to get me though these cooked food cravings.

8.9.11
I got over the cooked food cravings pretty quick. I've realized over the last few days that no matter how delicious cooked foods taste when I eat them, my body can tell a major difference in digestion, and over all health.

I had an egg as an experiment a day after the beans. It was my mind telling me that I needed iron and other nutrients that I've been taught that eggs have. The egg tasted good, but I felt tired after eating it, and I even felt a little depressed if that makes sense. I can't tell if it was the chemical reactions that made me feel depressed or the fact that I know deep inside that I just want raw foods. I couldn't tell. The other reason why I had the egg is because I know of people that eat mostly raw, but still enjoy cooked foods. I wanted to explore my options.

Over the next day or so I tried to eat some bread but it wasn't appetizing at all. Even though it looked and smelt delicious I could only manage to eat one small bite because I just didn't like it as much as I thought I would. I ended up feeding the rest of the slice of bread to the Ducks at a very near by pond.

I am traveling at the moment. Couch surfing to be specific and the hosts I am staying with cooked a very delicious looking and tasting (yes I tried some) quiche. Like I said before it was delicious tasting but that soon faded as my stomach began to hurt with indigestion, and I felt that it took me at least 2 hours (if not longer) to digest it fully. Since I've been eating raw digesting hasn't even been an issue. I eat and I move on with my day with more energy and even delight.

Since I've been experimenting with cooked foods, but never eating below what feels like 80% raw, I've learned what veggies have the Iron and other nutrients I've been feeling like I need. They aren't super expensive veggies either. Kale is a great source of nutrition I've learned and it's normally not much more expensive than a head of romaine lettuce. I've become even more delighted with the taste of veggies than I ever thought I could. I remember the first couple of days eating raw, my salads tasted bland, like crunchy water almost, but now I can taste the deliciousness of different veggies, and fruits. Yesterday I had a "purple salad" of red cabbage and purple onion. I had to get rid of those two items before they went bad, and it was sooooo delicious.

I've been learning from my couch surfing hosts of local and cheap produce. They took Aia and I to a nursery, a field of many different berries that you pick yourself. Because they are "U Pick" berries, they are only $1.50/lb for ANY type of berry that you want. That is MUCH more affordable than the stores sell them for, there are more varieties, and since they're right off the vine, they are packed with life energy. They are organic, and it's much funner than just picking up a package of berries from the store! The nursery also has veggies that are "U Pick" but they weren't ripe yet. We left with berries that will provide giant energy packed smoothies, and snacks for at least two weeks, and only spent $7.00. They also had raw honey that I had to get which is also way cheaper than you would find at a grocery store.

Today I had my first raw corn on the cob. It was cold which was odd because I'm so used to eating corn warm, but it was creamy tasting and over all it was delicious. Even though I'm going through this transition while also experiencing "life on the road" it's beginning to be easier than I ever thought possible, especially with help from the locals pointing me towards local farms. Not only am I eating healthy, but I am eating local. That makes the earth lover in me extra proud and delighted with my choice of eating raw.

I continue to be patient with my body through this transition, and since every form of healing has it's place, when I need to, and my body isn't responding to pressure points, or other tricks I've learned, I will puff on my inhaler to allow it to assist me. However, I always sit down and allow myself to calm down and release any old emotions that want to come out. I know that I am closer than ever to becoming medicine free again, and now that I am conscious of the emotional root of my discomforts, I continue to take responsibility for allowing myself to let go of emotional dis-ease without 'distraction' or distress of toxifying my body with medicine. Self encouragement is a lot more valuable than distress so I will continue to be gentle and good to myself as my transition continues.

The Purification Process

7.25.11
On the physical level there are a couple of main 'ills' I'd like to see purified by my new diet and lifestyle. I've heard that the body cannot heal selectively. Meaning, when the body heals, everything in the body heals. The thought of that makes me happy. I'd like my allergies to go away, and I'd like my (seasonal, environmental) asthma to go away. I understand that ALL ills are a result first and foremost of emotional imbalance so I hope to be able to go within without distractions (of food in my case) and allow myself to release any emotions that do not serve my highest health. I want to not only release them, but learn  from them as well.

I can imagine myself in perfect health with unlimited vitality. My life in this image feels great. I have strong, clear lungs and an active body that allows me to walk, run, climb, skate, and swim for miles. Until I get there in the physical I will practice being there in my mind.

Today is the 3rd day of my new diet. Although I still experience allergies and trouble breathing, I have faith that my body is regenerating and it won't be much longer until I begin to feel even more healthy than I do now. I feel more energetic and clear headed so I am hoping to use the new energy and clarity for self- healing.

I don't want to distract myself anymore by taking medicine that only treat and quiet my symptoms. I realize that puffing on my inhaler is a distraction from me going within to release emotionally the root cause of my breathing troubles. I've been spending two days trying to release without knowing how. Today, right now, I am relying on my sincerity to want to release it, determination not to ignore it, and gentleness to accept it, so whatever it is I can release it and open my heart completely and without fear.

7.25.11 (not too much later)

Letting go of the Fat Girl Mentality.

Ah clarity alas! I've realized that my asthma began at a young age and was born out of insecurity. I don't really remember too much what my dad was like growing up. I do remember when I was very young he was caring, and gentle. He would play outside with me and play cards with me. Then around the time that my mom began to use drugs, and I began to lie for her, defending her, he disappeared. I rarely saw or talked to him, I was doing bad in school because I was a rebel that never wanted to "conform" to rules. My nana, someone who helped raise me, was sick and eventually passed away, and I was trying to discover myself.

I packed on lots and lots of pounds in the world of insecurity and fear of the unknown around me. More pounds = more insecurity. Not only that but I realized that I was protecting myself from becoming exploited as a sex object. I didn't consciously know back then that to be respected by others, one must first respect themselves. I remained over weight and quite often the best friend of the "big man on campus" type guy who all my friends usually dated. I guess I figured subconsciously that if I wasn't attractive "sexually" I wouldn't be treated like a woman (and be mistreated!)

I also felt physically protected by the extra weight. I felt bigger and stronger than most of the guys that surrounded me back then, so I felt confident that I could knock a guy down if I ever needed to. Turns out that through-out the years, my love and respect of self has been growing from within myself (subconsciously and has been more powerful than the fear of being mistreated as a woman) and I've been surrounded by males that respect me. Even then, I kept extra weight on as a protection from being exploited as a sex object and not honored as a woman.

Since I've changed my diet and mind, I've reached a new level of clarity, self love, and respect enough to finally willingly let go of the fat girl mentality that protected me for so long. I know that I no longer need to be protected because it is my self love, respect, and integrity within, that have always attracted my outer experiences, and will continue to be what attracts my outer experiences.

7.26.11
Last night I hit a breaking point with my asthma. Maybe it was the emotional release I needed with my new level of understanding, or at least part of the process. I'm just tired of not being able to breathe, I've been doing everything I can to heal myself and be as patient as possible with my body. I'm just tired, and my body wants to be well. Before I moved to Portland, I hadn't taken any breathing medication in months and months. Yeah I'm residing with a cat (a long time allergy and asthma trigger,) but I've been working diligently to boost my immune system. On the 4th day of my new living foods diet, I did a 24 hour water fast. I know I have food and prescription drugs toxins to clear in my body.

Today is the 6th day of my new diet. I feel pretty low today emotionally on a surface level, but under the surface emotions lives optimism, hope, and love.

7.29.11
7th day on a new track in life. Whole foods, and a wholesome lifestyle. I feel A LOT better than yesterday. I feel I have emotionally released a lot of old emotions (by crying about them.) It might seem old to cry about something that deeply upset you months or years ago, but I'd rather cry about it, learn from it, and let it go than just push it into the deepest darkest parts of my being where it can still harm me physically and emotionally.

Not only do I feel better because of my emotional let go, but I remembered that one who is detoxing anything commonly runs into hardship the 3rd and 4th day and or 6th or 7th day. That could be why I was feeling so crappy yesterday, but I made it through, and it turns out that I was able to use my asthma medication A LOT less and my body was more responsive to alternative approaches such as accu-pressure points.

7.30.11
I am so happy and grateful that last night I didn't have to use my inhaler in the middle of the night or this morning when I woke up for the first time since I've been here in Portland. I don't feel itchy or wheezy at all, I feel completely healthy! I've also realized that I can observe more clearly and quickly than ever if I am operating out of ego. Even though I attain and intend to be ego-less %100 of the time, I am still human and it is part of my discipline at this time to be aware of my states of being and use my freedom to change it if it isn't in alignment with my true essence. I am grateful for the freedom to choose what state of being that I want to be in at any and every moment.

One of the issues that I ran into when I first began to awaken years ago was what society calls "bi-polar" Hot one minute, cold the next. Sad one minute, happy the next. I've been aware of my personal power to observe and change our own moods for some time, but years ago I would notice myself upset and NOT use my power to change my state of being too quickly out of fear of being bi-polar. Today in my new awareness, and gratitude for the freedom to be in any mood, have any reaction, and behave any way that I want, I will label myself empowered, and cash in my birth right to experience peace.

7.31.11
It is my 9th or 10th day (I lost track) of my new wholesome diet and life, and I haven't had to use my inhaler at all. My body has been responding very well to alternative approaches, and my over all feeling of health and attitude is very good. I look forward to attracting a juicer, and more delicious raw foods to try new recipes, and expand my living raw food horizons. <3

Journey of Wholeness

I know my blog title says "Journey Into The Raw," but it should say journey to wholeness because going raw is connected with many parts of the evolving human being. I first had to make the decision to go raw and I had to change my mindset before I even began to eat raw and I started walking barefoot for wholeness before I even made the choice to go raw. It's been a process....

Since changing my mindset and my diet, I've been able to listen to my body and actually understand it's messages more clearly than ever and even though it's only been two days I can see that a wholesome living diet is only part of the journey of wholeness. None the less it's an extremely important part of wholeness and I love food, so blogging about my raw journey should be a pleasure.

I guess one of the reasons why I do anything public and evolutionary is to show others that it is possible. We all experience the same battles at one point or another (and collectively) but triumph is inevitable with love.

I am going to start by posting a couple of my journal entries from the this month. As a documentation of my process into raw foods and wholeness. I will be posting once a week from here on out.

July 10th
Love. Thank you for bringing me to higher states of being. I'm begining to love myself on a whole new level. When I am able to look at my body as a temple I begin to love it a lot more because of the realization that it contains God. Words that have been said by many, in many ways, but it's true that to actually understand the concept that our bodies are temples that hold Spirit, one must experience the realization for themselves at their own time.

Self control. Discipline. Or GOLD?
Gratitude, Obideience, loyalty, devotion. Everything in life is easier to me when it's GOLD. Will attracting and eating raw foods be about discipline or GOLD to me? It's so much easier when I know that I am doing it for Source. I love my creator just as much as my creator loves me. Unconditionally, and unending. There fore I must love myself in that way as well.

7.22.11
I want to go raw. In my highest desire 100% raw but it seems psychotic in the society we live in today. Inside, I feel it's the right thing to do for myself. It just makes sense to eat living foods and a part of me even feels that it's useless to eat anything else.

Ok but I've been wanting to go raw for a few YEARS already. It has all made sense to me for a long time but I always fell back to the "addiction" of cooked foods. My weaknesses? Pizza, Nachos with real melted cheese... But everything really, eggs, cereal, bread. I can tell when I'm addicted to these foods when there is really no raw intake at all and when I'm hungry I almost always choose something cooked.

So for starters I'm going to use Spirulina Pacifica as a help to make sure I'm nourished while 1. Cleansing from cooked food and preservative cravings, and 2. Submersing myself more into a wholesome raw food diet. I can honestly say that doing this (taking spirulina)  will be giving me way more nutrition than I'm getting now eating 3 random cooked meals a day.

My first and hopefully only strategy is change my mentality 100% now to "I eat only living and nutritious food." And also "my diet is 100% wholesome." I feel if I have these mind sets, every time it is time to eat, I will choose nutritious wholesome food. It's a lot better than choosing to focus on anything upstream.

I do feel that it will be a weining or gradual process but I hope to always do my best. I will turn to my journal for introspection as I go through my transition. I hope my cleansing is easy on all levels. I think on some level I'm still afraid of my highest creative potential and it scares me to go raw and unlock that new level of energy, vitality and wholeness into my experience.

7.23.11
As far as my raw calibration goes.. yesterday was my first whole day of 90% raw. I had a few wheat crackers that weren't raw and some nuts that were roasted, but I feel confident in saying it has been a major improvement, and it was nutritious, and I'm very happy that I made it through a day of a wholesome diet.  I think I should stop focusing on the word "raw" right now and focus more on the word "wholesome" for awhile to take some of the pressure off about having strict raw diet rules. The reason why I want to go "raw" is to incorporate wholeness into my experience, so that is what I will focus on more until I effortlessly transition deeper and deeper into the raw food lifestyle.


7.24.11
It is my 3rd day eating living foods. I feel I've become very relaxed and trusting. I've learned to focus more on the now, yeah my mind has been full and racing so I feel like I'm constantly bringing myself back to the now, but the more that I do it, the more relaxed I feel. I feel there's always a 'to do' list running in my head, even if the list is a lot of fun things I'm still learning to live in the now so I can fully enjoy everything I do. All of my experiences. My energy levels and vitality are sky rocketing, and my inner voice, my truth seems to be coming through to me more clearly since I changed my diet, and its my only third day.